A little kid is sitting in biology class, and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon in nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this. Suddenly, the little boy's hand shoots up.

"Not correct, Miss!" he says.

"Please explain, Christopher," replies the teacher.

"Well, Miss, just the other day I was playing with my cat on the verandah, the neighbour's Rottweiler came around the corner, and my cat arched his back and went:

'ffffffffffffff! fffffffffffffff! ffffffffffffff!'

"...but before the cat could say 'Fuck Off!' the dog ate him".

And courtesy of Popbitch.com (cos I love Popbitch)

A little girl turns to her mother and says, "Mummy,
Billy next door has a willy just like a peanut."
"Do you mean its really tiny?" replies her mother.
"No", the girl answers, "I mean its really salty."


A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder.
The barman says "That's a nice newt. What's his name?"
The man says "Tiny". The barman says "Why do you call
him Tiny?". "Because", he replies, "he's my newt."


and lastly

Q: What's green and eats nuts?
A: Syphilis.