It's me. I was just sitting here all trashy and thinking "I'm hungry" and went rummaging for some crackers. Can you tell me why I bought Cabin Bread please? God, it's hard on the gums. If you could remind me not to buy it again, that would be good, ta.

I've been reading historical novels again, God. I know I said I wouldn't but I couldn't help myself, this Diana Gabaldon shit is compulsive like that. I'm on the second and I have 2 more here to read yet. She makes those big 18th century Scottish laddies in their plaids and kilts running around in the woods with their weapons all unsheathed sound hot.

Just maybe not as big as this wee laddie's weapon of mass destruction.

Do you think there's any hope for me, God?

By the way, God, I've just done a new business card for Debbie.

Debbie likes it. Do you like it, God? Not that it matters, I guess... I wouldn't argue with her, either. Yeah, I remembered to smudge her name and shit out before uploading here.

We have Fatima coming back for a visit sometime soonish. She is going to come here while her people go to Japan for a week. God, she looks fucking enormous!

We are looking forward to having her home for a few days, I just hope that she doesn't think she is alpha bitch and chew Nushie up. Look into that for me, would you God? Thanks.

I still have that pain in my right eye, God. It's been there for days now, off and on. The writhing was very bad the other night, I had to take the epilepsy pills for it. I don't like doing that twitching thing very much, could you turn the volume right down on that one for me? I'd be ever so grateful. Well probably. But sometimes I wonder WTF you are doing to us all down here. You can be a real prick sometimes. Really, why put the beauty of the Aurora at the extreme ends of the planet when there's no body much to see them?

I mean, that is such a wanky thing to do, God, hiding all that cool stuff and beauty from the masses and bringing nasty shit to them instead.

I know which I would rather look at.

There was someone asking on a message board on the net today, where You were when the hurricane came to land this time. Some of them said you certainly weren't in New Orleans. But I think you were. I think you were in the toilet, constipated.

"There she stood in the doorway
I heard the mission bell
And I was thinking to myself
This could be Heaven or this could be Hell"

Nite God, sleep well.