Have you ever eaten radishes dipped in sour cream? I have, just a minute ago in fact, at 2.15 in the morning. It goes really nice with lettuce. Not only does it look and sound better, I’m sure it tastes better than what Merlin just provided on the hallway floor. Minus it’s head, of course. Yeah. Rat. He is punishing me again, the hard and cold monster who refuses to pander to his wish for feline exclusivity within the household; the sole governance of his Realm.

He is pissed with the puppies, the disrespectful little shites that they are. No longer can he procrastinate and pontificate over the shared meal bowl whilst the dog waits anxiously for him to finish; now the Terrible Twins are shoving his Royal Self out of the way and scoffing the tucker. Then they go to bed. On HIS bed. They follow him around the house, barricade his way and threaten him with evil doggy insults, like sniffing his butt, pawing his face, demanding he play with them. Ugghhhhh.

Dis - gusting.

Almsot as disgusting as a decapitated rodent on the back hallway carpet. And a shitty red cat dragging the rest of it around the house. Now I’ve disposed of said vermin and flushed its head to rest and Merlin hates me as well.

Once more he has me confused with that human that gives a shit. Just like everybody else, really.

Anyway, immediately prior to the crunching of rat bones disturbing me, I was lying in bed counting puppy snores, tracking the progress of the Invisible Man who was stubbing cigarettes out on my leg and thinking “I wish I had a big bowl of vanilla icecream". OK, so Im a bit into the munchies right now, but I don’t habitually eat food, let alone eat ice cream.

I don’t think Ive had one in months. Or an ice cream for that matter.

Anyway, its almost New Years, the year is almost dead and gone and I am going to break last year’s New Year’s Resolution not to make any New Year’s Resolutions and make some New Year’s Resolutions for next week. I think that better be one of my New Year’s Resolutions - to eat more ice cream. I got some major decisions about my life to sort out, too. Like how to lighten the load of emotional responsibility and what to have for dinner.

Tough stuff always goes better with ice cream, don’t you think?

PS. Counting puppy snores is about as useful as incrementing the oves when it comes to putting out the invisible cigarettes. And they say you shouldn’t smoke in bed… WTF do they know, hmmm?

The Terrible Twins: