I am going to kill Merlin and then I am going to kill Loopy. Merlin has taken over the footstool under my desk and makes me contort my legs into all sorts of strange angles, just to be able to sit in front of the computer, and Loopy is attempting to drive me out of my bed and completely round the bend by depositing herself right in the middle of the bed - on top of my legs. Every night.

Now I have wrenched my knee un-depositing Loopy and can't keep my feet awake at the computer any more.

Furry little shits, the pair of them. I'm going to get them stuffed and mounted on a pole as a deterrent to any future feline assholes that may take up residence here.



Never mind, tomorrow I am going out for coffee with Murray. If he remembers. Remembering stuff isn't always one of Murray's strong points, but he can help me hang the cats up if he gets here.

---

There's this man who has a parrot. The parrot swears like a sailor. A real shocker. The problem is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type and the bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.

One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "STOP IT!". The parrot just gets pissed off and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets mad and says, "Right, that's it!" and throws the bird in the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din, screeching and scrabbling to get out, then suddenly everything goes quiet.

After a couple of minutes he starts to think that the bird may be hurt so he opens the freezer door. The bird calmly climbs onto the man's out-stretched hand and says, "Awfully sorry about the dreadful language, I'll try hard to clean up my vocabulary from now on.".

The man is amazed, he can't understand the change that's come over the parrot. Then the parrot says, "By the way, pardon me for asking, but what did the chicken do?".

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as Gods.
Some cats have never forgotten this.