:: Monday, May 30, 2005
Getting plastered
Next weekend we celebrate as a nation the belated birthday of a right royally old chick on the other side of the world who figuratively represents the dying Power that was once known as the Empire on which the sun never set. It's an excuse a reason to sit back with my feet up with some decent company and get nicely smashed. I haven't done that in a long, long time.
I met The Queen once, at Tauranga airport sometime back in the 70's, you know. She stopped to talk to me because I had a plaster cast on my arm. She asked me what happened to it and I remember she smiled broadly when I said I had fallen off my horse - again.
You have to love me now, I'm famous, I'm a bleeding legend (even if it's only in my own mind).
In my travels today, I was gifted a humungous bag of ripe tomatoes which tonight (after giving Joan and Raewyn a bagful each) I magikly transformed into yummy, scrummy homemade tomato soup.
I bloody did so, stop casting nasturtiums on my culinary prowess.
Here's some of the proof.
We ate some tonight for dinner with some warm, fresh wholemeal bread rolls from the supermarket.
What? Not exciting enough for you? Well guess what I did last week!
I replaced my crappy-won't-stay-charged Ericsson cellphone (the one Adam dosed with panadol during the car ride when we were rushing him to the hospital after the golden retriever tried to have his arm for dinner on July 24th, 2003) with a matching pair of Sony Ericsson phones (neither of which appears to have required panadol in their lives) for the ridiculously low price of $50. Plus courier. One of them still had it's number and an $8 credit intact.
Perfick.
Now I'm so cool with my flash new phones and whenever I want to change something on them, I just give them to Heather to do cos for some reason the 14 year old who has never had a cellphone in her life can do shit that her geek mother who can build brilliant web sites and do really cool shit with graphics on the PC she can fix all by herself can't bloody figure out.
I knew 4 years studying I.T. wouldn't be enough. Now I know how Reg felt when he had to give his new digital watch to his 13 year old daughter to set the time so he could use it.
There is something not quite right with this picture and it's not the phones or the food... 
I met The Queen once, at Tauranga airport sometime back in the 70's, you know. She stopped to talk to me because I had a plaster cast on my arm. She asked me what happened to it and I remember she smiled broadly when I said I had fallen off my horse - again.
You have to love me now, I'm famous, I'm a bleeding legend (even if it's only in my own mind).
In my travels today, I was gifted a humungous bag of ripe tomatoes which tonight (after giving Joan and Raewyn a bagful each) I magikly transformed into yummy, scrummy homemade tomato soup.
I bloody did so, stop casting nasturtiums on my culinary prowess.
Here's some of the proof.
We ate some tonight for dinner with some warm, fresh wholemeal bread rolls from the supermarket.
What? Not exciting enough for you? Well guess what I did last week!
I replaced my crappy-won't-stay-charged Ericsson cellphone (the one Adam dosed with panadol during the car ride when we were rushing him to the hospital after the golden retriever tried to have his arm for dinner on July 24th, 2003) with a matching pair of Sony Ericsson phones (neither of which appears to have required panadol in their lives) for the ridiculously low price of $50. Plus courier. One of them still had it's number and an $8 credit intact.
Perfick.
Now I'm so cool with my flash new phones and whenever I want to change something on them, I just give them to Heather to do cos for some reason the 14 year old who has never had a cellphone in her life can do shit that her geek mother who can build brilliant web sites and do really cool shit with graphics on the PC she can fix all by herself can't bloody figure out.
I knew 4 years studying I.T. wouldn't be enough. Now I know how Reg felt when he had to give his new digital watch to his 13 year old daughter to set the time so he could use it.
There is something not quite right with this picture and it's not the phones or the food...
:: Friday, May 27, 2005
um, ok
In the village of Hurbum near Tillet in Herts, lives Lucy Lykes who owns the Cockwell Inn. The address is:
Lucy Lykes,
The Cockwell Inn,
Hurbum,
Tillet,
Herts.
HT24 7TJ
Send her a letter today!
Lucy Lykes,
The Cockwell Inn,
Hurbum,
Tillet,
Herts.
HT24 7TJ
Send her a letter today!
:: Thursday, May 26, 2005
omnium-gatherum
Feeling like a little melange of links?
Tough, here are some anyway. Only the sickest and saddest for my favourite sick puppies :-)
This one is sad - it's the "new trend" in inner city living in Auckland.
Sardines on toast, anyone?
This one is really sick. It's about identical twins swapping body parts for entertainment.
Need a hand, anyone?
This wee guy just made a total pig of himself.
Hay baby, whaddya know.
These guys can help you if you are having a bad relationship.
Bummer.
Why surprise ain't a good thing (550KB download video)
Bigger bummer.
And this lot are thinking outside the square.
That's enuff stumbling. My toes are hurting.
Dr. Jones, from Encino, dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there he sees a long line waiting to get in. He thinks for a moment and decides that the line shouldn't apply to doctors, so he walks to the front and confronts St. Peter.
St. Peter says "Why aren't you in line?"
The doctor replies, "I'm Doctor Jones from Encino, I should be able to go right in."
St Peter tells him "I don't care who you are, go wait in line."
Upset, Dr. Jones, returns to the end of the line. He's not there long when he sees another doctor, dressed in scrubs and a mask, walk right to the front of the line and go in the gate.
Dr. Jones immediately goes to the front where St. Peter says "Now what is it?"
"Didn't you hear me when I said I was Dr. Jones from Encino?"
"Yes, so?"
"Well, how come that other doctor got right in?"
"What other doctor?" asks St. Peter.
"The one with the scrubs and mask?"
St. Peter thinks for a moment and then his eyes light up in realization. "Oh, that was God, sometimes he likes to pretend He's a doctor."
Tough, here are some anyway. Only the sickest and saddest for my favourite sick puppies :-)
This one is sad - it's the "new trend" in inner city living in Auckland.
Sardines on toast, anyone?
This one is really sick. It's about identical twins swapping body parts for entertainment.
Need a hand, anyone?
This wee guy just made a total pig of himself.
Hay baby, whaddya know.
These guys can help you if you are having a bad relationship.
Bummer.
Why surprise ain't a good thing (550KB download video)
Bigger bummer.
And this lot are thinking outside the square.
That's enuff stumbling. My toes are hurting.
Dr. Jones, from Encino, dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there he sees a long line waiting to get in. He thinks for a moment and decides that the line shouldn't apply to doctors, so he walks to the front and confronts St. Peter.
St. Peter says "Why aren't you in line?"
The doctor replies, "I'm Doctor Jones from Encino, I should be able to go right in."
St Peter tells him "I don't care who you are, go wait in line."
Upset, Dr. Jones, returns to the end of the line. He's not there long when he sees another doctor, dressed in scrubs and a mask, walk right to the front of the line and go in the gate.
Dr. Jones immediately goes to the front where St. Peter says "Now what is it?"
"Didn't you hear me when I said I was Dr. Jones from Encino?"
"Yes, so?"
"Well, how come that other doctor got right in?"
"What other doctor?" asks St. Peter.
"The one with the scrubs and mask?"
St. Peter thinks for a moment and then his eyes light up in realization. "Oh, that was God, sometimes he likes to pretend He's a doctor."
:: Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Sucker
All I want is a cleaner that KNOWS HOW TO FOLD SHEETS AND FUCKING TOWELS.
Oh, and anything else she might have to deal with in the laundry hamper. FFS, my sheets have blardy wrinkles in them.
Knowing how to mop the floor would help, too.
I mean, how hard can it be?
Oh, and anything else she might have to deal with in the laundry hamper. FFS, my sheets have blardy wrinkles in them.
Knowing how to mop the floor would help, too.
I mean, how hard can it be?
:: Sunday, May 22, 2005
Bye bye Baby, bye bye
Fatima left home today and we are grieving as though she has died. My most loyal and constant companion has been taken away and the kids have lost their Precious.
She left at lunchtime to go and live in Auckland with her new owners. Tonight, apparently she is a frightened, panicking mess.
And there is nothing I can do. I just want to cuddle her and make it all better, for all of us. Crying doesn't help.
We love you and we miss you Fatsy.
HogSNOREtrupert
She lay on the floor inside my room
In a moonless, midnight-darkened gloom
Sound richocheted like a sonic boom
For there snored Fatima
Grunting, she rolled on her side
Her cave-like mouth sagged open wide
With room for three tennis balls to hide
I was in awe of Fatima
I sent her packing out the door
She settled on the hallway floor
And then snored louder than before
Thick as a board is Fatima
She has her own strange, spoken word
Grunt of Pig X Chirp of Bird
The like of which I'd never heard
Until I met Fatima
But now my Puppet's gone away
Not an act in which I had any say
And I know I'll miss her, every day
No more my snoring Fatima.
She left at lunchtime to go and live in Auckland with her new owners. Tonight, apparently she is a frightened, panicking mess.
And there is nothing I can do. I just want to cuddle her and make it all better, for all of us. Crying doesn't help.
We love you and we miss you Fatsy.
HogSNOREtrupert
She lay on the floor inside my room
In a moonless, midnight-darkened gloom
Sound richocheted like a sonic boom
For there snored Fatima
Grunting, she rolled on her side
Her cave-like mouth sagged open wide
With room for three tennis balls to hide
I was in awe of Fatima
I sent her packing out the door
She settled on the hallway floor
And then snored louder than before
Thick as a board is Fatima
She has her own strange, spoken word
Grunt of Pig X Chirp of Bird
The like of which I'd never heard
Until I met Fatima
But now my Puppet's gone away
Not an act in which I had any say
And I know I'll miss her, every day
No more my snoring Fatima.
:: Saturday, May 21, 2005
Starstruck Pythonesque
In the words of the immortally immoral Monty Python team...
Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving
And revolving at nine hundred miles an hour,
That's orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so it's reckoned,
A sun that is the source of all our power.
The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see
Are moving at a million miles a day
In an outer spiral arm, at forty thousand miles an hour,
Of the galaxy we call the 'Milky Way'.
Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars.
It's a hundred thousand light years side to side.
It bulges in the middle, sixteen thousand light years thick,
But out by us, it's just three thousand light years wide.
We're thirty thousand light years from galactic central point.
We go 'round every two hundred million years,
And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions
In this amazing and expanding universe.
The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding
In all of the directions it can whizz
As fast as it can go, at the speed of light, you know,
Twelve million miles a minute, and that's the fastest speed there is.
So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure,
How amazingly unlikely is your birth,
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,
'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth.
Click right here to enjoy one of the best Monty Python songs ever written, the "Galaxy Song" or better still, go out and buy the bloody thing, I'm sure the Python boys could use the dosh :-)
Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving
And revolving at nine hundred miles an hour,
That's orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so it's reckoned,
A sun that is the source of all our power.
The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see
Are moving at a million miles a day
In an outer spiral arm, at forty thousand miles an hour,
Of the galaxy we call the 'Milky Way'.
Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars.
It's a hundred thousand light years side to side.
It bulges in the middle, sixteen thousand light years thick,
But out by us, it's just three thousand light years wide.
We're thirty thousand light years from galactic central point.
We go 'round every two hundred million years,
And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions
In this amazing and expanding universe.
The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding
In all of the directions it can whizz
As fast as it can go, at the speed of light, you know,
Twelve million miles a minute, and that's the fastest speed there is.
So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure,
How amazingly unlikely is your birth,
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,
'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth.
Click right here to enjoy one of the best Monty Python songs ever written, the "Galaxy Song" or better still, go out and buy the bloody thing, I'm sure the Python boys could use the dosh :-)
:: Friday, May 20, 2005
And the day after that...
I was about Heather's age and we were living at Ngapeke when, in 1979, there came a "once in 25 years" storm that brought tons of dirt and stones down onto the road, washed it down our driveway and overwhelmed the fishponds, lawns, lake and vehicles and left 2 feet of mud over everything it encountered. When the rain stopped, the road outside was buried in 18 inches of mud that closed the road for several days and left our van buried to its sills.
This time, the people that live there now were much luckier - the measures Reg took after the 1979 storm to deflect the mud and protect the property from future burials by slippage worked again and they suffered little damage.
Unfortunately I have no pictures from when we were there, but today I took some of this, the latest muddy interment.
This is the road outside our old place yesterday, and the picture clearly shows the hole in the hill that used to be paddock and now isn't any more. This new hole is about half to 2/3 the size of the one formed when the hill fell on us all 26 years ago and the thoroughness and speed of the clean up suggests much less came down the road and more went across it, engulfing Sellar's farm opposite instead.
It took years to stop freaking out when the heavy rains came and it took years to repair all the damage. For some reason, I'm kinda glad I don't live under that hill any more...
You can visit the Flood pics in more depth here.
This time, the people that live there now were much luckier - the measures Reg took after the 1979 storm to deflect the mud and protect the property from future burials by slippage worked again and they suffered little damage.
Unfortunately I have no pictures from when we were there, but today I took some of this, the latest muddy interment.
This is the road outside our old place yesterday, and the picture clearly shows the hole in the hill that used to be paddock and now isn't any more. This new hole is about half to 2/3 the size of the one formed when the hill fell on us all 26 years ago and the thoroughness and speed of the clean up suggests much less came down the road and more went across it, engulfing Sellar's farm opposite instead.
It took years to stop freaking out when the heavy rains came and it took years to repair all the damage. For some reason, I'm kinda glad I don't live under that hill any more...
You can visit the Flood pics in more depth here.
:: Thursday, May 19, 2005
The morning after
Rain has pretty much stopped this morning, just a little drizzle here and there but there is supposed to be more coming our way before it's finished.
Here is the park this morning;
and this is a closeup of the waters with the early morning sun reflected off them. Just cos I can...
Here is the park this morning;
and this is a closeup of the waters with the early morning sun reflected off them. Just cos I can...
:: Wednesday, May 18, 2005
ARK WANTED - Must be seaworthy
It's been raining all day.
Hard.
Tauranga has had 25% of it's annual rainfall in just the past 24 hours. And it shows.
We drove through this lot this afternoon on Fraser Street;
and we drove past this lot down Courtney Road this afternoon;
and then we stopped at the bottom of our hill at the rugby park so that Heather could do this;
The greater Tauranga area tonight has over 60 people evacuated, houses sliding down hillsides, slips galore, homes flooded with waist-deep water contaminated with sewage, floating cars, ruined roads and another 100mm of rain is forecast before tomorrow morning.
And if we do indeed get that rain, then tomorrow our backyard park will likely look like this, which is what it looked like on May 3 2001 when the picture was taken. That time, the sewage washed down the river from the septic tanks upstream rendered the park unsafe and unusable for over 6 months.
So far, this evening, it only looked like this;
Tonight, some people are homeless, some have been evacuated temporarily to Baycourt theatre, some face financial ruin if they have no insurance, some are having their evacuated homes looted. Some are driving into holes in the road because brainless wankers are moving the warning signs and cones from where they have been placed.
Roads are washed out, people are stranded, pets are lost and we have boards, plastic and soil across our driveway to stop the neighbours water cascading down from their lawn and flooding my house for the fourth fucking time in 6 years.
Just another day (and night) in Paradise. Thank you God.
Thanks a lot.
Hard.
Tauranga has had 25% of it's annual rainfall in just the past 24 hours. And it shows.
We drove through this lot this afternoon on Fraser Street;
and we drove past this lot down Courtney Road this afternoon;
and then we stopped at the bottom of our hill at the rugby park so that Heather could do this;
The greater Tauranga area tonight has over 60 people evacuated, houses sliding down hillsides, slips galore, homes flooded with waist-deep water contaminated with sewage, floating cars, ruined roads and another 100mm of rain is forecast before tomorrow morning.
And if we do indeed get that rain, then tomorrow our backyard park will likely look like this, which is what it looked like on May 3 2001 when the picture was taken. That time, the sewage washed down the river from the septic tanks upstream rendered the park unsafe and unusable for over 6 months.
So far, this evening, it only looked like this;
Tonight, some people are homeless, some have been evacuated temporarily to Baycourt theatre, some face financial ruin if they have no insurance, some are having their evacuated homes looted. Some are driving into holes in the road because brainless wankers are moving the warning signs and cones from where they have been placed.
Roads are washed out, people are stranded, pets are lost and we have boards, plastic and soil across our driveway to stop the neighbours water cascading down from their lawn and flooding my house for the fourth fucking time in 6 years.
Just another day (and night) in Paradise. Thank you God.
Thanks a lot.
:: Saturday, May 14, 2005
How odd
Bored? You might wish your weren't if you visit this site.
This site is fun. Hope you can remember what shape a pig is by the time you get there :-)
You can revisit the chicken here (or meet him for the first time if you are a subservient virgin). He'll even attempt to hump the couch, if you ask him nicely. But he won't give head. I mean, that would be so wrong, a rooster sucking, er, um...chicken bones.
You can learn all about the animal kingdom here. I stole this picture from there.
Do you think it's the rhino sperm bank collection vehicle, or is he just happy to see it? I can see why rhino horn is so in demand as an aphrodisiac; it makes a bloke big enough to fuck a car [pauses to have a wee think about what Andy used to eat].
If you have ever wanted a pet squirrel, now's you chance to go squirrel fishing and catch your own. I must say, it's very tempting.
That's enuff stumbling around pissed. I will leave you with a real happy puppy, and a suicidal rabbit (you can blame Heather for the bunny - she stumbled upon him).
Useless factoid du jour: Seven breeds of dog account for 98% of all fatal dog attacks. In order they are: Pit Bull, German Shepherd, Chow, Malamute, Husky, Wolf Hybrids, and the Akita.
Mothers-in-Law ranked # 11.
WOOF
It's my 8-and-a-half-years-anniversary today. Yup, it's that long since I disembarked the Marital Monorail with Sperm Donor In-Situ. I never did catch up on all the sex I missed during the preceeding 12 years, but I don't think I'll bother now. It wouldn't have been worth staying awake for, anyway.
[cue uproarious mirth]
This site is fun. Hope you can remember what shape a pig is by the time you get there :-)
You can revisit the chicken here (or meet him for the first time if you are a subservient virgin). He'll even attempt to hump the couch, if you ask him nicely. But he won't give head. I mean, that would be so wrong, a rooster sucking, er, um...chicken bones.
You can learn all about the animal kingdom here. I stole this picture from there.
Do you think it's the rhino sperm bank collection vehicle, or is he just happy to see it? I can see why rhino horn is so in demand as an aphrodisiac; it makes a bloke big enough to fuck a car [pauses to have a wee think about what Andy used to eat].
If you have ever wanted a pet squirrel, now's you chance to go squirrel fishing and catch your own. I must say, it's very tempting.
That's enuff stumbling around pissed. I will leave you with a real happy puppy, and a suicidal rabbit (you can blame Heather for the bunny - she stumbled upon him).
Useless factoid du jour: Seven breeds of dog account for 98% of all fatal dog attacks. In order they are: Pit Bull, German Shepherd, Chow, Malamute, Husky, Wolf Hybrids, and the Akita.
Mothers-in-Law ranked # 11.
WOOF
It's my 8-and-a-half-years-anniversary today. Yup, it's that long since I disembarked the Marital Monorail with Sperm Donor In-Situ. I never did catch up on all the sex I missed during the preceeding 12 years, but I don't think I'll bother now. It wouldn't have been worth staying awake for, anyway.
[cue uproarious mirth]
:: Friday, May 13, 2005
Friday 13th Part 751 - Freddie's Tie
I swear to God I am gonna become an atheist. I'll be in excellent company.
Nothing like hedging your bets, hmmm?
I want to be an atheist because a nice God wouldn't give pigs 30 minute orgasms instead of us.
I want to be an atheist because a thoughtful God wouldn't make the beach so difficult to walk on with all that loose sand and grasses and shit. Or make it so far from the carpark.
I want to be an atheist because a cool God wouldn't have made paisley fabric. And make it "trendy". Not even for 5 minutes [note: God just might be a bloke after all, I mean, can you see a woman designing that crap?].
See? as if this weren't fugly enough,
now look at what they've gone and done.
I want to be an atheist because a groovy God would give me a better stereo and speakers.
Biiig muthas.
Like these.
I want to be an atheist because a humane God wouldn't have given me mumps 5 times as a child and then revisit me with the symptoms 30 years later. Like right now.
I want to be an atheist because a nurturing God would have given me Gary Sinise to play with.
The Real Thing, not a poster ya muppet. He's another one of those tortured actors. Yummy.
I'm gonna become an atheist so I can just blame it all on God for not actually existing in the first place.
Bejaysus, I love that twisted Irish logic.
How's that for a Black Friday post - I never mentioned bad luck (unless you own one of those ties, in which case it's too damn late anyway), road accidents (aka shitting oneself at Domain Rd corner at peak hour at twilight tonight), ladders (it's lying on the ground - only the mice can get under it), black cats (even though Lulu walked over my nice clean car with muddy feet this morning) or any other superstitiously stupid ideas about bad luck on a day that was not traditionally considered evil or unlucky.
Well, so this site says. This site says otherwise. Hey, I didn't even whine out loud about not having Gary Sinise. I'll do that another night.
I think I'll have a beer instead, a nice Old Dark. Very fitting.
"By the pricking of my thumbs, Something wicked this way comes" - Bill S, MacBeth.
Nothing like hedging your bets, hmmm?
I want to be an atheist because a nice God wouldn't give pigs 30 minute orgasms instead of us.
I want to be an atheist because a thoughtful God wouldn't make the beach so difficult to walk on with all that loose sand and grasses and shit. Or make it so far from the carpark.
I want to be an atheist because a cool God wouldn't have made paisley fabric. And make it "trendy". Not even for 5 minutes [note: God just might be a bloke after all, I mean, can you see a woman designing that crap?].
See? as if this weren't fugly enough,
now look at what they've gone and done.
I want to be an atheist because a groovy God would give me a better stereo and speakers.
Biiig muthas.
Like these.
I want to be an atheist because a humane God wouldn't have given me mumps 5 times as a child and then revisit me with the symptoms 30 years later. Like right now.
I want to be an atheist because a nurturing God would have given me Gary Sinise to play with.
The Real Thing, not a poster ya muppet. He's another one of those tortured actors. Yummy.
I'm gonna become an atheist so I can just blame it all on God for not actually existing in the first place.
Bejaysus, I love that twisted Irish logic.
How's that for a Black Friday post - I never mentioned bad luck (unless you own one of those ties, in which case it's too damn late anyway), road accidents (aka shitting oneself at Domain Rd corner at peak hour at twilight tonight), ladders (it's lying on the ground - only the mice can get under it), black cats (even though Lulu walked over my nice clean car with muddy feet this morning) or any other superstitiously stupid ideas about bad luck on a day that was not traditionally considered evil or unlucky.
Well, so this site says. This site says otherwise. Hey, I didn't even whine out loud about not having Gary Sinise. I'll do that another night.
I think I'll have a beer instead, a nice Old Dark. Very fitting.
"By the pricking of my thumbs, Something wicked this way comes" - Bill S, MacBeth.
:: Thursday, May 12, 2005
Old bangers
I cut and polished most of my car today. Damn near killed myself, too. And that's with the palm polisher, not by hand.
This is what my baby looked like just before she shipped from Japan in September 2001:
She still looks pretty much the same, just carries some advertising thingies. And a few scratches.
They look like this (the advertising thingies, not the scratches):
Of course, the MagikPc is now defunct - it had too many associations with Asswipe for my liking so I told him to stick my domain name up his arse. I used carry the sole vehicle advertising for Asswipe's company, too (for almost three years, just more of that unreimbursed shit he is so damn good at). Well, until Boxing Day last year when I decided I had had enough of being the dumb bitch that did his public promotion for him when he wouldn't badge his own vehicle in case IRD got into him for all the private use he claims for. You know, skiing trips, trips to the airport on his way to his overseas holidays, shit like that.
I do like my baby, she ain't a paint-less bomb like my poor old common whore Commodore was. Damn, but I still miss that car. On the corners. Going fast. In the rain.
Rivetting, huh.
But this baby below; this was a bomb.
Well it burned like one.
This month is the 68th anniversary of the Hindenburg crash, just one, short year after her maiden transatlantic flight and just 10 years after Charles Lindbergh flew the "Spirit of Saint Louis" from New York to Paris.
Haven't we come a long way.
Stupid question, though... if you fly West to East across the International Dateline, aren't you flying backwards through time? I mean, don't you risk arriving before you have left?
I used to really love a good conunn... connunn... er, brianteaser , um puzzle.
This is what my baby looked like just before she shipped from Japan in September 2001:
She still looks pretty much the same, just carries some advertising thingies. And a few scratches.
They look like this (the advertising thingies, not the scratches):
Of course, the MagikPc is now defunct - it had too many associations with Asswipe for my liking so I told him to stick my domain name up his arse. I used carry the sole vehicle advertising for Asswipe's company, too (for almost three years, just more of that unreimbursed shit he is so damn good at). Well, until Boxing Day last year when I decided I had had enough of being the dumb bitch that did his public promotion for him when he wouldn't badge his own vehicle in case IRD got into him for all the private use he claims for. You know, skiing trips, trips to the airport on his way to his overseas holidays, shit like that.
I do like my baby, she ain't a paint-less bomb like my poor old common whore Commodore was. Damn, but I still miss that car. On the corners. Going fast. In the rain.
Rivetting, huh.
But this baby below; this was a bomb.
Well it burned like one.
This month is the 68th anniversary of the Hindenburg crash, just one, short year after her maiden transatlantic flight and just 10 years after Charles Lindbergh flew the "Spirit of Saint Louis" from New York to Paris.
Haven't we come a long way.
Stupid question, though... if you fly West to East across the International Dateline, aren't you flying backwards through time? I mean, don't you risk arriving before you have left?
I used to really love a good conunn... connunn... er, brianteaser , um puzzle.
:: Wednesday, May 11, 2005
hmmm
My 14 year old daughter is telling jokes about masturbation. Should I be concerned?
Or should I be more concerned that her 11 year old brother understands them...?
"Procrastination is like masturbation — at first it might feel great, but in the end you're just screwing yourself."
Or should I be more concerned that her 11 year old brother understands them...?
"Procrastination is like masturbation — at first it might feel great, but in the end you're just screwing yourself."
:: Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Hanky panky with the Widow Spanky
Fuck this for a joke. Where do they find these medical professionals?
We know what they do to their monkeys...
I can visualise a Monty Python of that.... "What are you doing with that monkey, boy?" I'm giving it a darn good spanking, Sir"
I understand the Russian teddy bears now.
Now, about those Medieval Monks...birch twigs...chanting etc...
Q. How many zen monks does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. The change must come from within.
We know what they do to their monkeys...
I can visualise a Monty Python of that.... "What are you doing with that monkey, boy?" I'm giving it a darn good spanking, Sir"
I understand the Russian teddy bears now.
Now, about those Medieval Monks...birch twigs...chanting etc...
Q. How many zen monks does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. The change must come from within.
:: Monday, May 09, 2005
Self affliction
Oh shit, don't read this one. It's hilari er disgusting. Yes, disgusting, that's what it is.
Reading: War and Peace
Listening to: The dog snore
Don't wait up.
Reading: War and Peace
Listening to: The dog snore
Don't wait up.
:: Sunday, May 08, 2005
Idiosynchrasies
By now you probably know of my love/hate relationship with porn?
i.e: love the absurdity of it and the inventiveness of its toy manufacturers, hate the impact on and potential damage to our kids who are not exempt from wannabe porn companies mailing lists.
But this site right here, called "rollertrain" is definitely in the first category, despite what the blog is about; the day to day goings on (cummings on? gettngs off?) of a copywriter in the porn industry.
I have seldom read anything even half as funny as this page. It's (literally) fucking hilarious.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
"Is this vibe really shaped like a gerbil? Who did this? Please see me." - rollertrain
i.e: love the absurdity of it and the inventiveness of its toy manufacturers, hate the impact on and potential damage to our kids who are not exempt from wannabe porn companies mailing lists.
But this site right here, called "rollertrain" is definitely in the first category, despite what the blog is about; the day to day goings on (cummings on? gettngs off?) of a copywriter in the porn industry.
I have seldom read anything even half as funny as this page. It's (literally) fucking hilarious.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
"Is this vibe really shaped like a gerbil? Who did this? Please see me." - rollertrain
:: Friday, May 06, 2005
Using the plastic
Fatima had plastic surgery today.
Well, actually, it wasn't the surgery that was plastic, but the lampshade they put on her head definitely is.
See for yourself.
She had a second round of eye surgery today. The first, a couple of months ago was to fix a problem called entropian where the eyelids roll inwards and the lashes irritate the eye and which can eventually cause blindness if left untreated. This involves slicing a strip of flesh off the eyelid edge to make it shorter and less prone to rolling in. Unless, of course, you have enough skin to cover an entire litter of puppies for some other breed.
Today's procedure was to reduce the amount of skin around the eyes and remove even more from the eyelids and tack the outer edges to the bone of the eye socket to make them more slitted, because our wee girl has such heavy, bunched up eyebrows that they keep creeping down her face and threatening to over run her nose.
I think it's a nose; it looks and feels more like a leather and velvet pincushion.
But now she is all fixed, has had just over a grand spent on her eyes and can go to her new home in Auckland with the deaf Japanese couple who are buying her. Even the vet giggled as he mentioned that she would really look the part with them now. Not to mention that they won't be able to hear her snoring.
Now all she wants is to be able to walk through a doorway without spinning herself around everytime she hits the doorpost cos she is always pointing the wrong way. It's really hard, when you're a dog to know whether you are coming or going...
Well, actually, it wasn't the surgery that was plastic, but the lampshade they put on her head definitely is.
See for yourself.
She had a second round of eye surgery today. The first, a couple of months ago was to fix a problem called entropian where the eyelids roll inwards and the lashes irritate the eye and which can eventually cause blindness if left untreated. This involves slicing a strip of flesh off the eyelid edge to make it shorter and less prone to rolling in. Unless, of course, you have enough skin to cover an entire litter of puppies for some other breed.
Today's procedure was to reduce the amount of skin around the eyes and remove even more from the eyelids and tack the outer edges to the bone of the eye socket to make them more slitted, because our wee girl has such heavy, bunched up eyebrows that they keep creeping down her face and threatening to over run her nose.
I think it's a nose; it looks and feels more like a leather and velvet pincushion.
But now she is all fixed, has had just over a grand spent on her eyes and can go to her new home in Auckland with the deaf Japanese couple who are buying her. Even the vet giggled as he mentioned that she would really look the part with them now. Not to mention that they won't be able to hear her snoring.
Now all she wants is to be able to walk through a doorway without spinning herself around everytime she hits the doorpost cos she is always pointing the wrong way. It's really hard, when you're a dog to know whether you are coming or going...
:: Thursday, May 05, 2005
Flash
Haha, check out this hot little digital camera from ThinkGeek! It's called the James Bond Stealth Camera.
If you click the link up there, you can see more of their stuff.
While you are there, feel free to pic me up some of these
(saves me burning down the house):
8 or 10 of these (for the fridge door):
and one of these (to amuse myself
in the wee small hours):
and I definitely gotta have a pair
of these (whispered the tactile one):
But don't get me this, I might be forced to use it.
I think I'll piss off to bed now.
If you click the link up there, you can see more of their stuff.
While you are there, feel free to pic me up some of these
(saves me burning down the house):
8 or 10 of these (for the fridge door):
and one of these (to amuse myself
in the wee small hours):
and I definitely gotta have a pair
of these (whispered the tactile one):
But don't get me this, I might be forced to use it.
I think I'll piss off to bed now.
:: Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Brought to you by the #9
8.25PM May 4, 1996.
Nine years today, Mum.
Where does the time go?
The shadows of feeling
Walk my dreams in the night
Barely remembered
As day brings its light
Those indelible lessons
Of what's wrong and what's right
Are buried so deep
Hidden here in plain sight
But though I may grip them
Oh, tighter than tight
Recollection sprouts wings
And memories take flight
Nine years today, Mum.
Where does the time go?
The shadows of feeling
Walk my dreams in the night
Barely remembered
As day brings its light
Those indelible lessons
Of what's wrong and what's right
Are buried so deep
Hidden here in plain sight
But though I may grip them
Oh, tighter than tight
Recollection sprouts wings
And memories take flight
:: Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Don't quote me
There is always some madness in love.
But there is also always some reason in madness.
Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900).
This is my barcode number. You can get your own here.
PS - you know how sometimes you click on my internal links and they don't work? Or sometimes the graphics are missing? Well don't blame me, blame fucking Orcon whose webservers fall over on a regular basis cos that's where a lot of my stuff is stashed.
Reading: Nothing, I'm writing this, dummy.
Listening to: Boston.
But there is also always some reason in madness.
Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900).
This is my barcode number. You can get your own here.
PS - you know how sometimes you click on my internal links and they don't work? Or sometimes the graphics are missing? Well don't blame me, blame fucking Orcon whose webservers fall over on a regular basis cos that's where a lot of my stuff is stashed.
Reading: Nothing, I'm writing this, dummy.
Listening to: Boston.
:: Monday, May 02, 2005
Deadly
Remember the band Knightshade? They were a Hamilton band that were big here back in 1987. S_e_X_y. That's 18 years ago.
Fuck I'm feeling old. If you want to feel old too, then go to this link. It's "A Kiwi rock'n'roll primer". Prepare for a blast from the past, Kiwis.
Cool.
I had cause to go looking for this site tonight. Don't ask me why, you wouldn't believe me if I told you. Anyway, whilst on the way to that site, I stopped for a rest at this site, which reminded me that I meant to tell you all about my funeral.
So I will. Soon. When I finish the pic of my coffin-table..
While you are waiting, you can amuse yourself killing ants. Go on, you know you want to.
Fuck I'm feeling old. If you want to feel old too, then go to this link. It's "A Kiwi rock'n'roll primer". Prepare for a blast from the past, Kiwis.
Cool.
I had cause to go looking for this site tonight. Don't ask me why, you wouldn't believe me if I told you. Anyway, whilst on the way to that site, I stopped for a rest at this site, which reminded me that I meant to tell you all about my funeral.
So I will. Soon. When I finish the pic of my coffin-table..
While you are waiting, you can amuse yourself killing ants. Go on, you know you want to.
:: Sunday, May 01, 2005
Shedding a little light...
Q: How many Dylan fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind. The answer is blowin' in the wind.
Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:Two. Mice are very small, lots of room in a lightbulb.
Q: How many paranoids does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Who who wants to know?
Q: How many Tauruses does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None: Tauruses don't like to change anything.
Q: How many sheep does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Twenty one. One to change it and twenty to follow him round while he looks for a new one.
A: The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind. The answer is blowin' in the wind.
Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:Two. Mice are very small, lots of room in a lightbulb.
Q: How many paranoids does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Who who wants to know?
Q: How many Tauruses does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None: Tauruses don't like to change anything.
Q: How many sheep does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Twenty one. One to change it and twenty to follow him round while he looks for a new one.
Radio HaurakiClassic Rock that Rocks
LIVE FEED
Recent Meanderings
Endnote
Wheels within wheels
WOTD - Fig
Revisiting
The Times, they are a'changin'
Pavillions
Chilly calamari
Calling Gordon Shumway
Night Moves
Git on in there
Inner spaces...BOP Flood 2005
Outer spaces...
National MS Society
Project Gutenberg
Knight/Lomas
NZ Histories
Eyewitness to History
The Human Marvels
Smithsonian Institution
BBC - Ancient History
Blardy Amazing
20Q.
John Cooper Clarke.
Spacing out at...
WOW Infinity
NEW Really Stuffed
the flatcattery
rollertrain
Secret Diaries
myboyfriendisatwat
NEW The World of Yaxlich
when atomicans go wild
Intrepid Adventures
of Wile E. & Craig
reasons you will hate me
gramyre, on having MS
rAnDOm randomness
NEW Thing to make U go hmmm
Rachel's story
sick puppy award goes to...
Peter Pan
Archives
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
 moon phase info |
Some content included in this site has been liberated at (and from) great peril from the internet. Where possible, credit or a link has been given or is marked as "Unknown", except for jokes - I don't make up jokes. All other content comes straight from the Brain of Moi. I reserve the right to retain ownership of my own drivel :-)
2002 - 2005
